When did having ‘your 5 a day‘ become a mantra, likewise your 10,000 steps? They’re all just ideas in the public consciousness that are just out there, and maybe we adjust our behaviour a little because we are aware that this is something we all SHOULD be doing.
I think it’s time for new one to launch into the ether and it’s
5 human interactions a day
Though it may need a snappier title. How about
‘Hi -5!’??
Human Interactions x 5. Any suggestions?
It is becoming so very easy to spend days at a time without any kind of human interaction. You can self-serve at the supermarket and an increasing number of high street shops. We can collect and drop off our parcels at click and collect points. Getting a GP appointment is so difficult now that most people will call on doctor Google rather than call the surgery. We have our faces in our phones in queues and waiting rooms so we don’t chat to strangers. We mostly buy our train tickets on line now, and we don’t even need to speak to the bus driver if we pay contactless. All these little cuts: the self service, the removal of ticket offices at railway stations – they’re all one more human interaction taken away. We’re going to forget how to do it.
My Dad says that socialising is a muscle, and the less we use it the more difficult it becomes. It’s not right, it’s damaging us. Both our mental health as individuals and our society.
I have 3 children. My eldest is 17 and, just as I was at the same age, she’s shy and will avoid talking to strangers. I remember becoming aware of how she was withdrawing over lock-down. She, like lots of kids, was reluctant to go back to school when the time came. She’d forgotten how to be around people. There were consequences for children her age. It changed them. They learned how to navigate the world without having to deal with people. It’s that age group that I see with big head phones or ear buds, shutting out the world.
But it’s my age group too. I look at my phone too much, but I am making a concerted effort to stop. I made a pact with my little sister at the beginning of the year to replace phones with books. She’s doing way better than me, but I’m trying.
Last week was the ‘back-to school shopping trip’. School shoes and stationery – we always have fun. Not the shoes bit, but the stationery bit. And we always have lunch out, with cake. It’s part of the ritual. Of the 25 people on the station platform, I’d say 15 were on their phones. On the train it was worse – it always is. But when I got on the train an older man made some comment about my son’s hat; said he looked like Peter from The Railway Children. So we talked all the way to Rochdale about the film, and then old TV shows like Porridge, and Last of the Summer Wine (I’m not that old, but it’s something I remember watching with my Dad and my Grandad), and how David Wilde was in both. Then he got off and there was a lady with a figity dog, and we talked about kids going off to University. On the way home the train was silent until it broke down, at which point me and all the kids got talking to a sound engineer about music, and recording the individual strings of a grand piano so an electric piano could sound like one.
The point I’m making is that the less we interact with people, the easier it is to view everyone with suspicion, but that most people are nice and have something interesting to say. Little human interactions, those outside our familiy and our friends, mean we might chat to someone with whom we don’t agree on some things. Maybe on big, political things. But we might come away thinking that, though we don’t have a lot in common, they were okay – quite decent really. And maybe they might think the same about you.
So what I propose is this: Try to have at least 5 human interactions a day. Unless you’re really in a hurry, queue for the cashier in the supermarket. Go to the post office rather than booking your parcels to be collected. Talk to someone in a queue. It doesn’t have to be deep and meaningful. Just say hello. I think speaking to a real person on the phone should count too, but not voice notes. Conversations have to be two way.
I feel that we are sleepwalking into something frightening, and I want to stop it before we can’t go back. This is important.
I wrote this over a week ago and haven’t posted it because I didn’t know what images to put with it. I still don’t know! So here’s a nice painting from 2018 called ‘A Break in the Clouds’. It’s my running painting. I painted it because I did the couch to 5k, and then discovered fell running, which changed everything for the better.
Couch to 5K. There’s another mantra.
But the new 5 a day is talking to people. Please talk to someone about it.
Hi Kate. Gosh someone with a strong passion aswell as a passion for painting. Glad you feel like trying to express your passion to do something about it. My day today. I went to my community choir and had a great sing and chat with about 80 other people. After went for coffee with 6 of my besties. Came home and began sorting out a date to meet with ex colleagues, must admit by text but we’ll meet for a chat. Glad my day was with lots of people. Tomorrow working in the church community cafe serving drinks so good opportunity for more chat. It can be done, meeting others I’d very important. Good luck with crusade. It’s good to talk, as they say. C xx
*Applauding loudly* Kate, I feel very strongly about this too. I also have a 17 year old affected by the covid years. I speak to as many people as I can, even if it’s just a “Good morning!” on the dog walk. A smile and some eye contact is all it takes sometimes!
Thank you for vocalising this, together we can all make a difference!
Go Hi 5!
What a great idea Kate. I agree it’s a really important idea. I have Hi! moments every morning when I take the dog for a walk. It gets the day off to a good start, whatever the weather.
PS I love the painting in the blog post.
Absolutely hit the nail on the head with this Kate. People think it’s a younger generation thing but it’s really not. Okay they are more into tech but we as the older generation are just as bad, life is too fast, slow down and take time to talk. Set an example to the young ones, get off your phones and say something, anything, it maybe the only conversation someone has that day. I’m going to start my five a day by paying a compliment to at least one person, stranger or friend whom I’m in contact with and hopefully this will lead to further interaction. Jan
Kate, I couldn’t agree more, we of my age were not so affected by vivid and are naturally more gregarious.
Hallelujah to the Hi-5 idea
I completely agree with the idea of socialising being a muscle to be exercised. I found that out in Lockdown, which led to isolation and then a complete phobia about being on social again.
I’m still a work in progress, some days better than others. BUT Hi-5 is an excellent idea because the sad fact is that loneliness kills.
Love the picture choice, it sums up how hard being social can feel but also how beautiful it feels when you break through the cloud.
What a brilliant idea!
Last year I sat outside my house almost every day and there were interactions aplenty with schoolchildren and other passers-by (on Fountain Street), but this year has been very different. The weather has kept me indoors most of the time, and my beloved cat – who was such a talking point – succumbed to cancer in January.
I’ll try to do better!
I agree totally! Currently doing a few days walking a bit of the Coast to Coast with friends, we noticed how every other traveller person you pass says Hi, and most spare a few minutes to ask about your journey, the route, your motivation, and to tell you a little of theirs. So very refreshing! Locals are friendly too, we’ve found.
I have travelled 50 miles each way to visit my sister today; she is very poorly and moving slowly to the end of her life. She is housebound and so, so lonely. Her social interactions are limited to her family members. Everything you say about us all needing to interact with others in order to find delight, comfort, solace, humour in our lives is so true. And the fewer interactions we have, the harder they become. For 21 out of every 24 my sister sits alone unable to do very much and the fact that so many healthy people have as few interactions as she has is beyond sad. So, let’s make it 5 a day.
I love this, Kate. Having worked from home since lockdown, I know how hard it is to make sure you have those interactions, and the impact on my grandchildren (and lots of others) has been massive. It’s sad that saying ‘hello’ to a stranger has become almost threatening….you never know whether you’re going to get ‘hello’ or a funny look in response…but I’ll keep on saying it!
Hi Kate,
I love everything about this and without a doubt agree about society changing into an isolated state. Not all of us though!
I’m an extrovert (as you know) ?, and welcome a spontaneous chat on the train, at a shop, and anywhere really! Just stopping at my morning breakfast shop includes asking several employees, by name, how their son is or school, etc. it’s about caring and spreading love!! Opening the door for another and looking them in the eye.
I felt that generosity of spirit when you invited me for tea in your studio this summer. A lass from Portland, Maine and a lass hanging her shingle in Hebden Bridge and we immediately found so many common threads in the fabric of life….parenting, love of England, taking risks and facing fears, learning, and sharing. Laughing!
Thanks, Kate!!
As I sit here absolutely loving my three Lycett’s here in Portland, Maine I say, ‘Thanks for adding so much love and joy to the world!!!’
????Carla
So very true. I think we are all changed following COVID, which, along with constantly developing technology, has affected society and community also
Work now means mostly working from home, which although more convenient, means I rarely see a ‘real’ person and spend my days in the kitchen watching the world through my window. I feel that people go out less, socialise less and it is becoming the norm, sadly. Humans need to be social and loneliness is a growing issue. So, 5 a day…good plan. But A challenge which could be hard to achieve on many days! Let’s go for it!
My husband and I traveled across Northern Europe for three weeks in the summer and were lucky enough to chat to many folks. I got on a canal boat in Bruges to be joined by a lady & her daughter. I started to chat with them as it was clear we were all N Irish. A big enough chance that we sat down together on a random boat in Belgium, but then it turned out that my children went to the same school in Northamptonshire as her niece! I love it when worlds collide! Keep talking to us Kate – we’re always up for a chat.
When lock down started my husband and I used to go for our daily exercise, a walk in the local park. Everyone looked so miserable so we decided to give them a cheery “morning “. In no time at all everyone was looking more cheerful and even having conversations . We live in a multicultural area and all nationalities were talking together. We made a lot of new friends and still keep meeting in the park.
As a runner we all ways give anod and a smile to runners going in the opposite direction and usually end up in conversation with runners going the same way, as long as you can keep up with them. Exercise is a great way of getting to know people.
Absolutely wonderful. This was so lovely to read and I kept shouting “yes!”
This is perfect.
I love this idea! Thank you ?
Brilliant idea Kate and loved your blog. I’m working from home today but starting the Hi-5 challenge straight away.
It’s a great idea. I think we all need human interaction to some extent, although my husband may disagree. He just not that sociable! Just acknowledging someone by saying hello, is validating their existence. Even a smile counts. And it’s a reminder to focus on more vulnerable people who spend a lot of time alone. Let’s all Hi 5!
Beautifully said and so true. For my husband who has Alzheimer’s disease the support and friendship we receive on a daily basis, these interactions have become even more important. He might not be able to cook, drive, dress or look after himself like he used to, but the pleasure from just being with people is limitless and gives us both hope for the future.
Totally agree with everything you say. We moved to a village a year ago, mostly to be part of a community where people do say hello and don’t walk around glued to their phones. It’s great! We’ve had more little chats and invitations to pop over for tea in a year than I had in 25 years in a large coastal town. I’ve just come back from a musical event run by the charity I work for – Ryedale Carers Support – and it was wonderful to see over 30 otherwise isolated people enjoying, music, tea and chat for an afternoon. LOVE your Hi-5 idea, it’s a good one to aim for. ?
100% agree. Human interaction is absolutely critical to our health and wellbeing. As a general observation, I think those of us from the North of England (particularly Yorkshire) are better at doing this than most and I used to get comments from Southern colleagues at work about the fact that I would strike up little conversations everywhere when working in and around London – they found it slightly disarming and maybe a bit odd but I find it so rewarding and interesting to connect. Maybe just me but putting a smile on someone’s face helps me keep one on mine!
(he says whilst looking at his phone and eating breakfast alone !!?)